Teach Kids to Make Wise Decisions

Look for ways to coach your children to make their own decisions or to think about how decisions should be made. You may even want to encourage cooperative decision-making when a child comes to ask for something.

Cooperative decision-making teaches children valuable skills of negotiation, compromise, communication, and creating alternatives. Mutual honor is demonstrated in the midst of cooperation.

How might you respond to this question: "Mom, will you take me to the store right now?"

Would you say, "No, I'm busy" or "Okay, let's go"? Those might be simple answers to the request but why not turn this into a cooperative learning experience about how we make such decisions.

Try saying, "Why don't you tell me more. I'm working on something right now. Let's work this out together."

Sometimes we make the error of emphasizing parental authority and other times we simply try to please our children. Neither is wrong but we might miss a valuable teaching opportunity.

Problem solving and decision-making become the garden where honor flourishes because children learn that the process is just as important as the end result. You can help children consider the ramifications of a particular decision. You might ask, "How will your brother feel if you do that?" Or, "I'm wondering how your friend feels when you eat a cookie in front of him."

Every problem we solve and decision we make has potential to show honor. Don't just tell kids what to do - ask questions. Sometimes there's nothing actually wrong with our decisions, but can we be more honoring? Great lessons are taught through cooperative decision-making.

For more practical ideas on developing honor in your family consider the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

“Why do you do what’s right?”

It’s fun to ask this question of children. When you ask, “Why do you do what’s right?” the common answer from kids is, “So I don’t get in trouble.” That’s when you can take them to Romans 13:5 which says, “Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.”

Punishment is external. Conscience is internal. So what does that mean for parents?

Good news. God has created inside the heart of your child a piece of standard operating equipment that helps you do your job as a parent. Of course, the conscience isn’t a lot of help until it’s trained. But daily life regularly provides the opportunities to train the conscience.

Look for ways to get kids thinking about the conscience in their own lives. You can do that in part by talking about their motivations for doing what’s right. After all, if they only do what’s right to avoid punishment or to get a reward then they’re missing out on the benefits of the internal prompting of the conscience.

The reality is that maturity and responsibility require that a person do what’s right when no one is watching and when no apparent reward is available. The child just does it because it’s right. Now, children have the key to growing up and being responsible, and that's to do what’s right even without external prompters.

Of course children still need parents to help them know what’s right in any given situation but as parents work along with the God-given equipment in a child’s heart, they transfer the responsibility to the child. That’s great news and something we all look forward to.


This parenting tip comes from the Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids series by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN,BSN.

Being Good and Looking Good

46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

49 "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

- Luke 2:46-52


I just love how Jesus did His part as God' Son and Mary and Joseph's child. Eventhough he had enough wisdom even as a young boy, he did not boast about it. He did His work for His Heavenly Father -- to talk about His love and will for mankind. He obeyed his parents and he grew in wisdom and stature in favor with God and men.

Most of the time, we would like to make our parents happy. And then the devotion stops there. We forget that we also have to please God.

Jesus' childhood was a good model for us to see the essence of faith in God. If we are dedicated to Him, we will show it not only in serving the church, but also by paying respects to our parents.

For children, it's easy to do. They would always need their parents so they are left with no choice but to be submissive. But for adults, it's hard. We can make decisions on our own and when those decisions clash with our parents' will or opinion, maintaining smooth relationship with them becomes a challenge.

This is the same challenge that I have been facing since I became a Christian. My parents totally disagree with my faith. It came to a point that they sent me out of the house. Instead of loving them as Christ loved me, I kept anger inside. It's an excruciating experience: for in the same heart I love God, but in the same heart lies hatred toward the souls who brought me up. After three years I learned to let go of my anger and through God's wisdom and help, it became bearable to deal with my parents' antagonism on my faith.

Until now, I have to relearn this golden lesson: Whenever a heated faith argument is at hand, I should ask God's wisdom and strength. I should pay respects to my parents and not force them to agree with me. I should listen and in the quietness of my heart, watch how God would intervene.

Therefore, I say that being good and looking good are entirely different ideas. At church where I was active, I looked good but at home lies the constant battle to be really good.

Goodness starts in God's wisdom. And wisdom starts in quietness. It's hard to do because I am really talkative and straightforward. I deeply thank God who patiently reminds me to be still for His name's sake. And when I fail, I praise Him more for He is always ready to forgive and mold me to become a better woman that He designed me to be. :)