Teach Kids to Make Wise Decisions

Look for ways to coach your children to make their own decisions or to think about how decisions should be made. You may even want to encourage cooperative decision-making when a child comes to ask for something.

Cooperative decision-making teaches children valuable skills of negotiation, compromise, communication, and creating alternatives. Mutual honor is demonstrated in the midst of cooperation.

How might you respond to this question: "Mom, will you take me to the store right now?"

Would you say, "No, I'm busy" or "Okay, let's go"? Those might be simple answers to the request but why not turn this into a cooperative learning experience about how we make such decisions.

Try saying, "Why don't you tell me more. I'm working on something right now. Let's work this out together."

Sometimes we make the error of emphasizing parental authority and other times we simply try to please our children. Neither is wrong but we might miss a valuable teaching opportunity.

Problem solving and decision-making become the garden where honor flourishes because children learn that the process is just as important as the end result. You can help children consider the ramifications of a particular decision. You might ask, "How will your brother feel if you do that?" Or, "I'm wondering how your friend feels when you eat a cookie in front of him."

Every problem we solve and decision we make has potential to show honor. Don't just tell kids what to do - ask questions. Sometimes there's nothing actually wrong with our decisions, but can we be more honoring? Great lessons are taught through cooperative decision-making.

For more practical ideas on developing honor in your family consider the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, in You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

“Why do you do what’s right?”

It’s fun to ask this question of children. When you ask, “Why do you do what’s right?” the common answer from kids is, “So I don’t get in trouble.” That’s when you can take them to Romans 13:5 which says, “Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.”

Punishment is external. Conscience is internal. So what does that mean for parents?

Good news. God has created inside the heart of your child a piece of standard operating equipment that helps you do your job as a parent. Of course, the conscience isn’t a lot of help until it’s trained. But daily life regularly provides the opportunities to train the conscience.

Look for ways to get kids thinking about the conscience in their own lives. You can do that in part by talking about their motivations for doing what’s right. After all, if they only do what’s right to avoid punishment or to get a reward then they’re missing out on the benefits of the internal prompting of the conscience.

The reality is that maturity and responsibility require that a person do what’s right when no one is watching and when no apparent reward is available. The child just does it because it’s right. Now, children have the key to growing up and being responsible, and that's to do what’s right even without external prompters.

Of course children still need parents to help them know what’s right in any given situation but as parents work along with the God-given equipment in a child’s heart, they transfer the responsibility to the child. That’s great news and something we all look forward to.


This parenting tip comes from the Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids series by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN,BSN.

Darkness Can't Engulf Me Now

You, who brought me far from dreaming
That words can be life
And characters can be real
In a page, in a reel --
Free me from the giant shadows,
the engulfing darkness of fear.

I have let other men
to be this pen's muse
I saw it all coming
but then I did not refuse
to be enchanted, lured
by their stolen kisses
as bitter as shallow promises.

Can you please stop the darkness
approaching, roaring, threatening
the stillness that I have fought for,
nursed, kept, hold on to?
Behind the clasped door
Where I have kept it
I know, very soon,
You will meet me there, too.

This pen's ink grow fainter and fainter
Yet the words in my mind won't be weaker
They are fastened too tight to my soul
All I need is your hands to bring them
behind that door.
I have kept the words but my characters
are lifeless -- kiss them now, so they
can breathe like me.

If writing is giving and loving
Then I cannot do it alone
Hear my cry and be with me,
Hold my hand and teach me!
I am your little child
who grips her pencil and
do the strokes now,
slowly but not aimlessly
unlike I did before....

So wrap your right hand
around my right hand...
Teach me how to scribble
the first line of your poetry,
the twists and turns
of the plots of your story
until we both reach
what I kept for so long
behind that door --
that unshakable hope
that divine power
that big, bold love.

Swing the door wide open
And lead me to come out
You are my muse now
So why would I doubt?
We are both holding on
to hope, power and love,
Darkness can't engulf me now.

Being Good and Looking Good

46 After three days they found him in the temple courts, sitting among the teachers, listening to them and asking them questions. 47 Everyone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his answers. 48 When his parents saw him, they were astonished. His mother said to him, "Son, why have you treated us like this? Your father and I have been anxiously searching for you."

49 "Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?" 50 But they did not understand what he was saying to them.

51 Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart. 52 And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.

- Luke 2:46-52


I just love how Jesus did His part as God' Son and Mary and Joseph's child. Eventhough he had enough wisdom even as a young boy, he did not boast about it. He did His work for His Heavenly Father -- to talk about His love and will for mankind. He obeyed his parents and he grew in wisdom and stature in favor with God and men.

Most of the time, we would like to make our parents happy. And then the devotion stops there. We forget that we also have to please God.

Jesus' childhood was a good model for us to see the essence of faith in God. If we are dedicated to Him, we will show it not only in serving the church, but also by paying respects to our parents.

For children, it's easy to do. They would always need their parents so they are left with no choice but to be submissive. But for adults, it's hard. We can make decisions on our own and when those decisions clash with our parents' will or opinion, maintaining smooth relationship with them becomes a challenge.

This is the same challenge that I have been facing since I became a Christian. My parents totally disagree with my faith. It came to a point that they sent me out of the house. Instead of loving them as Christ loved me, I kept anger inside. It's an excruciating experience: for in the same heart I love God, but in the same heart lies hatred toward the souls who brought me up. After three years I learned to let go of my anger and through God's wisdom and help, it became bearable to deal with my parents' antagonism on my faith.

Until now, I have to relearn this golden lesson: Whenever a heated faith argument is at hand, I should ask God's wisdom and strength. I should pay respects to my parents and not force them to agree with me. I should listen and in the quietness of my heart, watch how God would intervene.

Therefore, I say that being good and looking good are entirely different ideas. At church where I was active, I looked good but at home lies the constant battle to be really good.

Goodness starts in God's wisdom. And wisdom starts in quietness. It's hard to do because I am really talkative and straightforward. I deeply thank God who patiently reminds me to be still for His name's sake. And when I fail, I praise Him more for He is always ready to forgive and mold me to become a better woman that He designed me to be. :)

My Time or God's Time?

"God made time and He made plenty of it." - an Irish saying

After a year of break from Sunday School teaching, I was asked to substitute for a Nursery class. It was a call for dependence on God. Personal and career tasks were left and right. The question whether "my time is God's time or not" lingered. At last, I said "yes" by faith. And surprisingly, I came in on time and had a great classroom experience with the kids. So I pondered, "How easy is it to just give God everything and He will make everything beautiful in His time?". Truth is, I seldom know. For me, my time is "my time" so God's time could be scheduled.

I have deeper issues on time management but I just don't want to admit it. I often say that tasks are too big and too plenty so I could not finish everything on time. This mind-set creates a domino effect on my schedule, on my health and on people around me. I have to apologize again and again for cancelling an appointment, for missing a deadline, and for not making it to family celebrations and friends' invitations.

God has been convicting me to re-read my daily planner and boy, it's so filled. So it hit me: I do know how to plan but I don't know how to say "NO" to some people -- so schedule's never-ending. And the contents of my planner further hit me, I don't know how to say NO because I am afraid to displease some people, but in effect I displease the more important ones, too.

Surprisingly, my issues on time management is greatly connected to my low self-esteem. I was raised in a family where self-worth could be equated to achievements, contributions and service. When I was in grade school, I was trained to study hard to earn pride for my name and for my reward. If I didn't have high grades, I won't have a raise in my allowance. My father would not attend a ceremony if I was not the one who got the first honor. When I was just starting to work and was earning so low, I would go home and found no food for me. My mother said I was not contributing enough so I would not have my fill. As the eldest among the siblings, I could not say no whenever my mom would tell me to do the projects of my brothers while they played. Right now, the only reason that I was welcomed home because I finance my youngest brother's tuition and being here would probably end when he'll finally graduate.

I was raised to be the family's servant and I think there's nothing wrong with that. Service given to a family should never be counted because they are your blood and gift. However, in my heart, it's still not clear why should I be highly regarded by my parents based on what I did. Could it not be because I am their daughter, their own? I tried telling my parents what I felt and nothing changed. My life with them was a series of hurtful words out of discontent and denial. It seemed like the only way to enjoy their company is to keep on pleasing them.

So at school, work and church I tried to find self-worth, but I fell into the pattern of doing what others expect me to do. I gained applause, good commendations, promotions and trust, but all of these are tied up with work. Workaholism became my life. I enjoyed being appreciated by others because of my contributions and service to different organizations. One planner seemed not enough for a busy woman like me. And yes, it took me a long time before I admit that I am prioritizing my service to people who greatly recognize me (like my bosses and my churchmates) than my service to my family. I could not make a restful schedule because I don't really enjoy being home.

In my recent quiet time with God, He gave me these Bible verses:

For apart from Him, who can have enjoyment? - Ecclesiastes 2:25

I have seen the business that God has given to the children of man to be busy with. He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end. - Ecclesiastes 3:10-11

These biblical truths inspire me to come clean. I asked help from God in dealing with my life issues. Sucking at time management was caused by my endless pursuit of finding self-worth in pleasing others. It's not healthy. It's not fun to have sleepless nights finishing lessons, newsletters and curriculum just to make the boss or the ministry head smile. I missed the point that these people are still people, as frail as my family who couldn't be easily pleased as well.

So if I really want to find enjoyment, there's no other person whom should I please but my Loving God. He said, "I have loved you with an everlasting love;therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you" (Jeremiah 33:3).

God's time should be my priority. Right now, He's opening my eyes to see which ones are important and not. I might be learning the art of saying NO slowly, but at least, I am getting there. I am confident that even without trying to please others, I am loved. Even without filling my planner, He is creating opportunities for me and my family to reconcile, heal and enjoy each other's company for real. When He took residency in my heart, Jesus started cleaning up the mess. How comforting it is to just listen to His teachings and obey them as a child clings unto her Father.

His time with me is being spent through words of love, promises of comfort and actions that brought forth peace. In this heart I know He is making all things beautiful in His time.

My Homecoming

I am so happy and thankful today. God has blessed me His answer for a two-year prayer. He put me in a Bible school!

Actually, this thing is more than what I really wanted. Since I got to know Him, I loved diving into His word. My favorite part of the day is the time that I wake up in my room -- I could hear the birds chirping and see the sunlight peeping in my window. All the pessimism started to fade when I smiled thinking about Him as I began to sing. I sang from the depths of my heart like I was rehearsing for the final day that we will be seeing each other.

Then I would flip the Bible like a child reading her favorite fairy tale book. (The only difference is that what are in His book are real.) I would read about Him and memorize His promises. I collected gift bookmarks and stick on notes to carefully write small reflections on them. I remember how I put up with a few old highlighter pens to mark my favorite passages. Now I've got many but I seldom use them.

Surely I went through a slow fade, but this time, I rejoice because God just proved He wouldn't let me continuously drift away. This is the life that He bestowed me with -- and He would not allow my independence, self-pity and arrogance ruin His purpose for this life.

I am amazed in having this kind of privilege: living in a free country where I can cheaply study His word for a high cost, my transformation as a positive living witness of His love.

The desire to effectively witness to others becomes a burden in a positive way. I used to loathe it -- for I was overwhelmed with the troubles that pop out left and right. My 'me-and-myself' syndrome took over that small faith. And I plotted a battle plan to win over troubles, and so I drove this roller-coaster ride in high gear, until I get tired and tired.

Lately, through short reflections I learned how serious He is in communing with me. No wonder I was too hungry for His presence. Signing up for Bible school is the beginning of my repentance. This has been my heart's desire.

I longed to return to my first love -- the kind of love that doesn't hold back, doesn't count nor intend to hurt. The kind of love that swept me off my feet is just in my heart all along. He never left this place though I kept on walking away.

When I was sitting in that big room listening to my teacher, I could not explain the joy that I felt. Sitting with people who have different issues, seeing faces who long to get to know Him more and listening to laughter of satisfied souls assured me I was in the right place. It's like a homecoming.

I could not count how many homecomings I had in my seven-year relationship with Jesus Christ. It doesn't matter I guess. What's important is that He is always ready to welcome me back.

It's funny to realize that the happiness that I felt about my achievements couldn't compare to the joy that I have about Jesus' forgiveness. Being His child and the object of His affection is the best experience that a woman could ever have.

Now that I am becoming more dependent on His plan for this life, I must say that I become more excited to discover His surprises. I dare to see them with my own eyes and feel them with my own hands.

Power for the Juggling Act

As Christians, we sometimes feel that sharing Christ's truth and love is tiresome and challenging. We have to take care of our earnings while doing familial and church responsibilities. Paul, the first Christian missionary to non-Jews experienced the same thing. Despite of political and religious attacks, he kept on sharing his faith everywhere he went. His juggling act required much selflessness. In the following passage, he did not utter a word on how tired he was on his journey and about people's indifference toward him. He did not say how fearful he was for his life for the cause of the gospel -- but God knew, for He saw everything. What did God promise a person whose heart was set on him? Let's take a look at this story.


Word Meanings
Corinth – a city in Greece
synagogue – a place where the Jews prayed and talked about their faith together
Judaism – the common and acceptable faith for the Jews; they believed only the first five books of the Old Testament; followers of this faith was the majority block that dictate Jewish politics and culture; their leaders put Christ to death and they denied His resurrection and deity; they perceive God as Israel’s keeper and that they should worship Him through observing a set of laws alone
the law – the first five books of the Old Testament which Judaists believe in
Christianity – the faith of Paul and Christ’s other apostles and disciples; this faith establishes that there is no other way to belong to God’s family than having faith in Jesus Christ
worshipers of God – Christians; they believe that Jesus is the Savior that the God promised in the time of Adam, Abraham, Moses and David; they accept that Jesus raised from the dead, and that He is indeed the Son of God, and their Master and Lord


Acts 18:1-21

1 After this, Paul left Athens and went to Corinth. 2 There he met a Jew named Aquila, a native of Pontus, who had recently come from Italy with his wife Priscilla, because Claudius had ordered all the Jews to leave Rome. Paul went to see them, 3 and because he was a tentmaker as they were, he stayed and worked with them. 4 Every Sabbath he reasoned in the synagogue, trying to persuade Jews and Greeks.
5 When Silas and Timothy came from Macedonia, Paul devoted himself exclusively to preaching, testifying to the Jews that Jesus was the Christ.[a] 6 But when the Jews opposed Paul and became abusive, he shook out his clothes in protest and said to them, "Your blood be on your own heads! I am clear of my responsibility. From now on I will go to the Gentiles."
7 Then Paul left the synagogue and went next door to the house of Titius Justus, a worshiper of God. 8 Crispus, the synagogue ruler, and his entire household believed in the Lord; and many of the Corinthians who heard him believed and were baptized.
9 One night the Lord spoke to Paul in a vision: "Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. 10 For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city." 11 So Paul stayed for a year and a half, teaching them the word of God.
12 While Gallio was proconsul of Achaia, the Jews made a united attack on Paul and brought him into court. 13 "This man," they charged, "is persuading the people to worship God in ways contrary to the law."
14 Just as Paul was about to speak, Gallio said to the Jews, "If you Jews were making a complaint about some misdemeanor or serious crime, it would be reasonable for me to listen to you. 15 But since it involves questions about words and names and your own law—settle the matter yourselves. I will not be a judge of such things." 16 So he had them ejected from the court. 17 Then they all turned on Sosthenes the synagogue ruler and beat him in front of the court. But Gallio showed no concern whatever.

18 Paul stayed on in Corinth for some time. Then he left the brothers and sailed for Syria, accompanied by Priscilla and Aquila. Before he sailed, he had his hair cut off at Cenchrea because of a vow he had taken. 19 They arrived at Ephesus, where Paul left Priscilla and Aquila. He himself went into the synagogue and reasoned with the Jews. 20 When they asked him to spend more time with them, he declined. 21 But as he left, he promised, "I will come back if it is God's will." Then he set sail from Ephesus.

What does the Bible say about God?
1. He makes ways for His beloved to have friends. (verses 1-3, 18)
2. He sustains His beloved by providing jobs for them. (vv. s 2-3)
3. He encourages Christians who have work to not forget sharing the gospel. (v. 4)
4. He gives Christians the courage, power and inspiration to give his best in sharing the faith. (vv. 5-8)
5. He clearly brings up a Christian’s heart issues and comforts him right away. (vv. 9-11)

What does the Bible say about people?
1. They are often comfortable with who they are and what they believe in, and are often ready to strongly fight for that faith, no matter how wrong it is. (vv. 6, 12-17)
2. People’s actions are deeply rooted from their belief-system that’s why conflicts happen. Not all people have the same faith, therefore not all have the same God.
3. Christians were persecuted for their faith but all they can do is to not hold any grudge against people who hate them and continue with God’s work.

Related link: What kind of faith God wants from me?
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+4:23-25&version=NIV


Questions to Ponder
1. What do I think about Christianity? How does it differ from other faith?
2. Is the object of my faith correct? Am I ready to strongly fight for it and not give up until the end?
3. What kind of faith is acceptable to God? (Read John 4:24 for the answer.)

Chat with God

Dear God,

You are awesome! Even we don’t utter a word, You know what’s going on. You see the exact fears, questions and pains that we keep. Bless our hearts. Make them beat only for You so that we won’t stop sharing this Christian faith with others. It is worth fighting for. For Your Son Jesus Christ has showed us real love in the cross.

The power that we have when we are beset with challenges for the cause of this faith is insurmountable for it comes from You. It’s indeed hard to balance our work and ministry but You are the source of our strength. This juggling act is possible because of You.

You are our driving force, our warm embrace, our secret keeper, our ever loving Savior. You deserve our time and effort and most importantly – our praise!  Thank you for everything. Inspire us to love you more and more each day.

In Jesus’ most powerful name we pray, Amen.